you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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