Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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