Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
