There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
