well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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