Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
