Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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