This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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