I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
