I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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