If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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