Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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