hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
how drunk are you?
Several
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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