Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
