Yo dont text me then not text me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
