You smell like stripper and shame
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
