Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
