it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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