Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
