i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
