Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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