i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
