made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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