It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
