Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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