guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
