He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Found the puke drawer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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