I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
