we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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