I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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