I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
