Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
