Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
