dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
