My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
