the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
