I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
