I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
