Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
