i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.