I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.