I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket