You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.