So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
