take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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