Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
