I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
