using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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