Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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