My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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