Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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