It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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