i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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