maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
drinking out of a sandbucket again
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
