I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
