She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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