I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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