Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
