Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
