tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
that's an acceptable place to lick
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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