I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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