i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
