Umm I'm too high to move.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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