Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
