either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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