My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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